I need to know if this is normal. My job has me so stressed out, that I lie awake in bed until 4 or 5 in the morning, unable to sleep even when I am both mentally and physically exhausted.
I don’t know how to turn my brain off. For the first time in years, I had a legitimate panic attack at…
NO. I know it is a common theme among new grads to feel overwhelmed and even bullied a little, and while I would never recommend staying at a place where bullying made you uncomfortable, I also think new grads should lighten up - remember being a high school senior and torturing freshmen? Welcome to the real world’s version of that.
However there are so many things wrong in this post that I think you should leave as soon as possible.
If you don’t know how to do something (and as a new grad, there are sooo many things we don’t know how to do) then no matter what an experienced nurse’s feelings are towards you, they should be willing to help. Not even to help you- to help the patient. If you don’t know how to do something you should be able to walk up to any other nurse on your unit and ask them to explain it to you, and they should do it even if they are being a bitch about it (unless they don’t know either).
Secondly, not all nurses / hospitals are like this. I never feel uncomfortable asking any nurse on my entire unit, on any shift, a question. Some of them don’t particularly like me and may give me some snippy answers, but they answer me.
A big deal on my unit is asking not how to do something, but where to find the policy that explains how to do it. I don’t go up to nurses and ask how to do something until after I’ve looked up the policy and read the directions, if possible (some things don’t come with directions which, okay, fuck you manufacturers).
And lastly, you shouldn’t need a xanax prescription to be a nurse. Unless you have other underlying anxiety issues, which is fine. But nursing by itself should NOT be making you so anxious that you need to medicate yourself. And this is not a fault of yours, it is a fault of those instructing you.
Nursing is a difficult profession. You’re going to panic and cry and freak out and hyperventilate and hate your job and hate your life and want to quit and think you killed a patient and stress over whether or not something gone done/ got done correctly. But this should NOT be an every day occurence. For every day you come home and want to walk away, there should also be days where you come home realizing that you helped another person, whether it be by catching a DVT before it could travel to the lungs or gave a newly diagnosed cancer patient a hug. For every time a nurse makes you feel shitty for asking a “stupid question”, there should be days that YOU get to answer a question for someone, a nurse or CNA or patient, and help them. For every time a doctor rolls his eyes at you and says you’re overreacting, there should be a day where you come home feeling proud because you refused to take a patient off telemetry so someone else could have the monitor only to discover your patient has new onset rapid afib with PVCs and occasional unsustained v-tach.
Nursing is stressful but it should also be rewarding.